Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
NoShamevember. You game?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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