I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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