you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
