I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
