It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
