we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
