If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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