Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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