my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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