I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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