I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm at about main and main street
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
