dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
