Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
