just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there was a trapeze. enough said
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
