Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
