You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
