I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
