the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
