So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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