Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
