i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
