I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
