i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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