I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
