i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
