I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
