Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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