You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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