Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
