we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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