He is an equal opportunity slut.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
