He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
