You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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