No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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