yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
