Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
