I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
