I want to have your abortion
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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