Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just threw up on my dentist
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
