My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the day after is always just damage control
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
