We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
