I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
