After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
