my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
