if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
