you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
