omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
