I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
