I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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