My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
