Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
