So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
