Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
