I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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