The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We left an ass print on the piano.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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