I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
