why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
