He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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