your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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