Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
