Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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