i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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