Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
