he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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