I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
