I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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