Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
