just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am one with the molecules
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
