Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
