Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
