Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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