I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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