i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
