you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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