and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
