can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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