I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He felt like a one man threesome
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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