it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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