Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
