1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
